The conflicts and wars in Bosnia, Croatia and Nagorno Karabakh are commonly viewed as little more than the expression of kin-state involvement. The Serbian regime is usually assigned overwhelming influence over the local Serb leaders, and the formal division between Armenia and Nagorno Karabakh is frequently argued to be a smokescreen. However, this article argues that the leaders in Belgrade and Yerevan were not always able to control the local leaders and dictate developments, and their influence varied considerably in different conflict phases. Even though kin-state involvement can play a very important role, and indeed be the decisive factor in a violent conflict, the potentially limited longevity of these ethnonational ties should be acknowledged; they can be weakened even in a situation of extreme insecurity and this impacts on the possibility for reaching a settlement.