This excerpt from my memoir/autofiction explores mothers and daughters in patriarchal cults/high control groups. In particular, the role of generational trauma in mother-daughter relationships, and how this connects to purity culture, shame, conditional love, and narcissistic abuse through the lens of chronic illness and care during Covid.Rather than employing the retrospective narration of memoir, with its focus on arrival and overcoming, and the narrative distance this creates between the narrating self, the reader, and the experiencing self, I use the present tense to drop the reader into a mosaic of various moments. I want to allow for a sense of partial knowledge, even in the act of writing itself. I use non-realist techniques, such as surrealism, to evoke freeze trauma and disassociation, and use a mosaic structure to explore the continual presence of generational trauma and the patterning of shame in mother daughter relationships, but to also allow for moments of love and connection.