Levels of self-harm for young people in care are high, and even higher for those in residential care. Recent research highlights the importance of understanding self-harm relationally. Such an approach may be of particular value for understanding the self-harm of young people in care. The aim of this research was to understand the experiences of young people who self-harm whilst living in residential care, with a particular focus on the effect of the care setting on their self-harm. Five young people participated in semi-structured interviews which were analysed using Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis. Four themes emerged: ‘The black hole of self-harm’, ‘Seeking genuine care and containment, ‘The cry to be understood’ and ‘Loss of control to the system.’ Young people recognised their need for support with their self-harm, but organisationally driven approaches to managing risk contributed to a perception that the care offered was not genuine, which led to an unwillingness to accept care. The findings highlight the need for a more compassionate, relational response to young people who self-harm in residential care.