Utilising narrative form and ethnographic method, this paper is a reflexive plea for an academic community which foregrounds care and relationality. Contributing to literature on the politics of knowledge and continuing the pre-existing metaphor of knowledge-as-vision, I argue for a more unified, binocular gaze which draws just as much on meaning as it does on sense. The evidence for this argument stems from phenomenological reflection on my experiences and positionality within research settings, in the field, and as both a mental health patient and practitioner. This paper is a methodological account which aims to embrace the messy complexities of research and draws on a wide range of literature, principally, feminist care ethics, relational ontologies, philosophies of science and knowledge production, and democratic therapeutic communities. Ultimately, I outline how a neoliberal and production-orientated academy encourages a dangerous level of emotional repression and disavowal of meaning, harming a multiplicity of actors.