This paper begins with the common phrase ‘good girl’ as a lens through which to explore the insidious nature of patronising and paternalistic language on women's agency in obstetric care. Here we see how misogynistic language is both violence against women in its own right, and serves to create a context in which more extreme obstetric violence can be precipitated. Based on thematic analysis of discussion on Mumsnet, and on contributions to a research-focused Facebook group, this paper illustrates the complexity of recognising and refuting misogyny as a female patient as well as the damage that can occur from a cultural context in which this language is normalised. Here, words both boast a materiality through the environments they reify, and become transient and slippery, with semiotic uncertainty.